weight – She Lives Fit

January 14, 2021January 14, 2021

Reflections on a Decade of Maintenance

The start of the year always brings reflections on health, gratitudes, goals, and ambitions for me. As I was thinking about the last decade, I started digging through old blog posts I made about 9-10 years ago. I remember feeling really focused after I lost weight in 2010, and felt like I had two years of experimentation before settling into what felt like a consistent “lifestyle” of wellness. I dabbled in several variations of what healthy-maintenance would be, as I was also learning about dietary theories in my health coaching program through Integrative Nutrition. Eventually, I found plant-based eating to be the most conducive to health – physically, mentally, and ethically – for me in this journey, and made the transition in 2012.

Since reviving my career as a health coach in 2019, I’ve had a lot of self-doubt. Am I healthy enough, inspiring enough, knowledgeable enough, fit enough (insert ___ “enough” here) to be a health coach and help other people figure this stuff out? While I am truly most passionate about the “lifestyle” coaching part of health coaching, I found a place within the weight-loss industry, which has plenty of pros and cons, particularly for someone as goal-oriented as myself. At VitaLife, we utilize BIA technology to determine body composition, and help clients see measurable progress in their bodies and health. The downside to this being available for me each day is that I can attach a lot of needless-significance on what the damn thing says about ME… and then start to splice apart my insecurities and feelings of “enough-ness” over and over again if the numbers don’t reflect what I think they should for my profession.

My mental health journey is in constant evolution of self-awareness and processing, and a big part of that is writing and discussing these things with people close to me. Over the last few months, I’ve felt frustrated that in spite of all my consistent efforts with my health, I haven’t seen the gratification I wanted (and felt was “deserved”) from the very technology I utilize and celebrate for others each day. And just recently, it has started to become more clear after a conversation with a fellow health-coach co-worker…

… I have been wanting the buzz and affirmation that comes from the *weight-loss and transition journey* even as I’m in active *maintenance* of a healthy lifestyle. It’s almost like wishing I could learn to swim across a pool, while actively swimming across the ocean.

My job as a coach is to model healthy lifestyle behaviors, and actively guide people through the process of transitioning into their version of a healthy lifestyle. It’s funny looking at it a different way, because the part I crave (validation and buzz of change during weight-loss) is what they are experiencing, while my clients crave what I have (the consistency and routine of maintaining a healthy body through a flexible diet and lifestyle).

Looking back on my posts from 2012, I found the following that I wanted to share again. I’m pleased to say that although there are some differences from then to now, I really have found a pretty solid balance in what my ‘healthy lifestyle’ looks like, and maintained it for close to a decade.

June 16, 2012: SparkPeople Blog post

… I feel like I’m truly coming into my healthy balance. A great deal of my life still feels chaotic at times, but I’m finding as I make better, more peaceful and less obsessive choices with my food and fitness, the chaos is easier to tame and manage. Here is what my healthy balance looks like today:

• I eat 90% plant-based (vegan), with occasional dairy or eggs (ice cream is my biggest weakness, and cheese is sometimes a “necessity” in social dining out, like having pizza with my family)

• I exercise 3-4 times per week by running, yoga classes, walking, or home DVDs

• I walk daily between 15-30 minutes, usually on work breaks

• I drink tons of water (upwards of 100-115 ounces per day), and always start my days with 24 oz. of water before breakfast or other beverages

• I get 7-8 hours of sleep every night, go to bed by 10 pm, and up between 5-6 am

• I cook all whole foods in my home, and eat out a few times per week

• I have a green smoothie nearly every weekday for breakfast and a slice of toast with nut-butter

• I don’t snack nearly as often as I used to

• I take vitamins daily (multi, flax-oil, folic acid, and calcium)

• I don’t drink pop. Ever.

• I cut out my coffee habit, and no longer use caffeine in the mornings to wake me up; I will have green tea or coffee occasionally for a treat

• I eat a ton of fresh fruits, vegetables, and whole foods daily

• I buy and eat almost entirely organic

• I try to eat mindfully without distraction, but still sometimes give in to watching TV during dinner ;)

• I enjoy treats daily, but no longer use white flour or sugar in my kitchen

• I have a ton of energy (usually) and stay busy daily

• I am strong and flexible: I can run long distances (although I’m not fast), I can do 50 push-ups in a row, and I can hold arm and toe-balance poses in my yoga practice, do forward bends, and move in ways I never used to be able

• I do not have a six-pack or defined abs

• My thighs jiggle, I have cellulite and stretch marks on my legs and butt, and my tummy still looks soft and mooshy when I sit down

* I eat lots of dark leafy greens DAILY

* I wear a size 4/6 pants (sometimes an 8 in certain brands or styles) and small/medium tops

* I weigh around 148 pounds (I am 5’10”)

• I am not perfect, but I am healthy and happy

January 14, 2021: Update

Nearly a decade later… as a mom to an almost-five-year old, and stepmom to two teenagers. Living my best life in my 30s. Here is what my healthy balance looks like today:

• I eat 95-98% plant-based (vegan), with very rare dairy or eggs (generally in a baked good or dish while dining out; I’m not perfect but aim for mostly plants)

• I exercise 5-6 times per week by gym HIIT workouts, home HIIT with BodyFit app, running, walking

• I try to walk daily, either taking the dog for a mile walk, or just stepping on the treadmill for 15 min.

• I drink tons of water (upwards of 100-115 ounces per day), and always start my days with a fizzy water (molecular hydrogen) and ph-mineral water

• I get 7-8 hours of sleep almost every night

• I cook all whole foods in my home, and eat out a few times per week

• I have a green smoothie nearly every weekday for breakfast or my first meal of the day (I usually don’t eat until 11:00 am- noon)

• I snack very rarely (working on cutting out bedtime/TV snacking & alcohol consumption- my only pitfall with snacks and “empty calories”)

• I take vitamins daily (probiotic, magnesium, vitamin C, cranberry, vegan DHA, vitamin D)

• I don’t drink pop. (hardly ever)

• I eat a ton of fresh fruits, vegetables, and whole grains daily

• I enjoy treats daily, but rarely make things with lots of sugar (I only use organic cane sugar if any – and often use monk fruit sweetener or stevia)

• I try to cook and bake with minimal oil – and will use broth or water if able.

• I have a ton of energy (usually) and stay busy daily

• I am strong and flexible: I can run long distances (although I’m not fast), I can do 50 burpees in a row, and I can hold arm and toe-balance poses in my yoga practice, do forward bends, and lift heavy at the gym. I can do a headstand, and am working on my handstand practice. I have more metabolic cardiovascular health than ever before.

• I do not have a six-pack or defined abs, and still have a sheath of fat on my tummy + stretch marks from pregnancy and birth.

• My thighs jiggle, I have cellulite and stretch marks on my legs and butt, and my tummy still looks soft and mooshy when I sit down

* I eat lots of dark leafy greens DAILY (green smoothies are my JAM!!)

* I wear a size 6/8 pants and small/medium tops

* I weigh around 155 pounds, and fluctuate about 3-4 pounds up or down (I am 5’10”)

I am not perfect, but I am healthy and happier than ever before in my life.

Here is wishing for your best health and balance in 2021. Keep the momentum going. You can only manifest the life you focus on creating each day, step by step.

-Whitney

March 5, 2014

Within or Without Motivation

Almost exactly four years ago, I was laid off from my job as a graphic designer, and fell into my lowest of lows of my young professional adulthood. I felt so little self-worth, and like all hope was lost… until something clicked inside me, and I just got annoyed enough with my pathetic attitude and choices that I decided to change. That little light bulb was the initial push I needed to really change my lifestyle and begin prioritizing my health. Somehow, things started to finally make sense – that I had control over my pant size and my attitude equally – that I could and would change if I wanted to.

That fresh beginning from a depressing end came from a deep internal motivation to do something better with my life. A deep, inner drive to be happier, live healthier, be more, act on my values and beliefs. It’s what got me started, and what keeps me going to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and not completely fall back into “pre-weight-loss” habits for good.

However… there are plenty of periods when that internal drive fails me. It’s just not enough! Yes, I want to “be healthy”… I want to be happy…. But in moments of weakness and frustration, “be healthy” just isn’t inspiring enough. “Be happy”…? Well, one dozen chocolate chip cookies can fill that need right now!

There are times when internal motivation is just too immeasurable. It’s not immediate, it doesn’t give me the here-and-now jolt that I need to stick to my resolutions.

And you know what? That is totally okay.

Recognizing that internal motivation may not always be enough force to get you moving does not mean it doesn’t exist. I think to some degree, internal motivation is present in all of us. Who among us doesn’t long to be healthy and happy? I’d venture to guess everyone longs for those things – and those are internal desires.

But internal motivation can be silent some days. Sometimes for long periods of time. And when we lack the strength to rise up from a deep will, it’s time to turn externally.

I think a part of me – and perhaps some of you – has thought that “external motivation” like rewards, or a specific date/event, or physical feat or accomplishment is somehow inferior to that pure internal driving will. But I’m here to say that depending on where you are in your journey and life, both internal and external drive are needed and equally valuable!

After that initial spark in my journey to a healthier body and mind, the internal inspiration quickly waned. I found that working out was HARD… it wasn’t immediately rewarding, and I hurt and wanted to quit. Counting my calories… that sucked too! It took so much willpower and self-control, I wanted to give that up! So what kept me going through that?

External rewards. Measurable progress. Specific dates, events, dresses, and physical challenges.

I set up rewards for pounds lost, for weeks of consistent exercise, for meeting my calorie goals. I scheduled races to train for, bought a dress in a size too small and hung it on my door. I planned a vacation for 8 months down the line, and set my mind on wearing a two-piece swimsuit with confidence. I committed to these external forces to help push me through to my ultimate goal of getting healthy and being happier.

So often in our journeys we ebb and flow through motivation. I know that once I reached my initial goals, and passed those external motivations, I eased back into an internal source of motivation to keep going. I couldn’t stay focused on pounds or rewards, or I would have withered away, and depleted my bank account buying goodies for myself! It was a new identity as a healthy and fit person that kept me going forward with these new habits.

Yet here I am today, three and half years since meeting my first goals, and I’m back to external motivation. The past few months have been awfully crazy, and had me focusing in other areas of my life more than on my own physical and mental health. As life has it, this happens and is totally normal. What’s also normal, though not desirable, is gaining a few pounds every now and again.

Well, I gained a few pounds this winter. Approximately 6 pounds, to be honest. (It’s hibernation weight, right? Blasted cold outside, getting antsy inside.)

I recognize this reality as my needed kick-in-the-rear to get back into prioritizing my health. I’ve not been ridiculously off track, and I still eat a vegan diet (mostly whole foods, but some occasional convenience foods and too much sugar…). But that doesn’t mean I don’t have room for improvement.

It’s back to the wellness center for me. Back to early morning workouts, and juicing. I’ve been food journaling and keeping honest with myself about what I’m putting into my mouth. I have also set a few specific external rewards and motivations for the coming months.

My biggest external motivation is the Mrs. International Pageant, taking place at the end of July. Though the pageant does not include a swimsuit contest (thank goodness), it does have a fitness wear segment. The fitness attire is two-piece, with a sports bra top, and spandex shorts. This thought alone is terrifying enough to get me motivated to work out more consistently, and pause before shoveling in loads of cookies and chocolate. I also purchased my evening gown for the event, and admittedly – it’s a little snug in my hips. I would like to feel radiantly confident in how I look and feel on stage by then, so that thought (along with the sight of my beautiful gown hanging in my office) is keeping me excited about challenging myself again.

The internal motivation to live and stay healthy and happy is still present, though hasn’t been enough lately to keep me reassessing my behaviors. It’s time to turn outward – and keep moving forward.

Whether it is from within or from without, motivation is a beautiful tool to keep you pressing onward. I challenge you today to determine what is the best way to get you moving whatever direction you need, and to not discriminate if that motivation looks like a new pair of shoes in two months, or perhaps a beautiful dress.

And as always – it comes down to choice. You direct your future success or failures by what you do today. If you’re lacking motivation of any kind, feel free to read this old blog of mine about just that.

Sometimes, it comes down to no motivation at all. Just a choice – right now.

April 15, 2013May 17, 2013

What I “Really” Look Like: Healthy Body in Unflattering & Flattering Photos

I am a beautiful woman.

I say this not to sound arrogant or narcissistic, but to point out a reality that I often struggle to acknowledge and accept with humility. I am beautiful, and so are you.

We as women have such deeply rooted self-esteem battles, that are ever aggravated in the bombarding of daily media we face. We’re constantly measuring ourselves against the woman next to us, the face on the magazine cover, the girl in the commercial, the blogger, the facebook friend whose Instagramed “selfies” are filtered over unrecognizably. There is no shortage of ways to fall short in the measures of beauty we hold ourselves to. It’s obscene, really.

And it’s bull. It’s utterly insane, self-degrading and abusive, and makes no sense at all. How can we live a life of health and happiness if we are constantly beating ourselves down? Constantly comparing ourselves to the appearance and standards of others? There is no safety or self-esteem in a life like this. Only self-hatred and a constant feeling of lack.

I’ve been struggling with this on and off for my whole life – much like you have, I’d guess. When I decided to embark on a journey toward a more fit body and mind, I knew that losing weight wouldn’t solve all my problems. (And it didn’t.) Sure, I felt better in a healthier, smaller and stronger body, but the mental hurdles I faced still kept me cycling in and out of self-abuse and talk. I’d look in the mirror and ONLY see the cellulite. I’d scour magazines for health tips and beauty tips and the best workout to “tone my abs.” It didn’t matter that my weight was healthy, my body strong and capable, or that my husband adores me—only that no matter how hard I tried, I could never get those six-pack abs, that cellulite-free butt or that tiny waist. I could try on a pair of size four jeans in one store—and feel like I was on top of the world!—then go to the next and barely squeeze into a “juniors” (ha!) size 11, and then feel like I was fat and gross.

Admittedly, I sometimes still have these feelings. I have low-self esteem days here and there, and wonder if I’ll ever just be OK and happy in my skin.

But those days are few. And I am proud to say that MOST days, I truly do believe I am beautiful and don’t need to measure up to any of the other women I see. Because I’m me, and I’m healthy and worthy and good as I am.

I’ve had these thoughts on my mind a lot in the past few days since I read this very inspiring blog post by Fit Mama Training. Check it out here: fitmamatraining.com/what-i-really-look-like-a-perfectly-healthy-body-in-more-and-less-flattering-photos/

She posts a chain of photos of her real, beautiful and healthy body in some unflattering and flattering angles. It was so inspiring to read her words of confidence and truth – I felt the desire to do the same.

So, my friends, today I share with you some real photos of my healthy body, in more and less flattering angles. They’re not filtered or edited, just real unprofessional quick shots from today.

We start this morning… post-shower, wet hair and no makeup. I have a few blemishes, and usually do. I’ve always struggled with feeling ugly whenever I get breakouts (which has been almost always, from about age 12 to 25), and I’m trying to be more gentle with myself and not “attack” my skin at night (since abusing it by picking only makes it angrier and worse!).

Torso shot… not flexing, not slouching… just standing. I don’t have a “perfectly toned core” and no matter how thin I’ve gotten in the past, I can’t get definition or much for a defined waist. It’s just how my body is shaped and that’s okay. I can “pinch an inch” around my hips and tummy. I also have stretch marks on my hips and thighs and butt, and I have tiny breasts. All these things are okay, and don’t make me less beautiful.

Here is a more flattering angle, in my yoga booty-shorts and sports bra. I weighed myself after breakfast and workout today, and I’m around 150 pounds (5’10”). This is on the high side of maintenance for me, but it’s easy to fluctuate between 147-151 without effort. When I try to keep my weight between 143-145, it takes more effort—careful eating and more rigorous exercise. For the few pounds difference, no one notices but me. And I don’t care that much anymore.

Squattin’! Leg muscle definition, strong booty.

More flattering angle. Sucked in, flexed tummy. Not much definition, but lots of muscle!

Less flattering angle. Different lighting, slumping down, pooching out over shorts. Baby-love handles and soft pooch. Still okay.

Less flattering angle. Slumpy slouchy. Intentionally pooching out belly and hunching over. Not so cute? Still okay.

GROSS FACE! Slumpy hunchy. Rippled “belly fat.”

Pulled the shorts waistline down a bit, and I can REALLY stick out the belly. Looks like I could lose a little fat here, doesn’t it? Could make a good “before / after” photo, even just compared to some of the more flattering pics above!

Booty-shot. Not perfectly toned. I have cellulite. That’s okay. This booty can squat, balance in yoga poses and run me far!

More flattering shot, differently lighting. Flexing abs.

Difficult behind-the-head-mirror-back shot. I have muscle back there.

All dressed up and made-up! Normal day look for me. Flattering lighting and angle.

Unflattering face. Double chin!

Big grin! Less cute angle, but real me. I have little wrinkles and blemishes.

Different lighting, different look. Still okay!

Full body shot, all dressed up and accessorized.

That’s me, folks. Lots of angles, lots of realness. And I’m beautiful, and so are you.

My hope in sharing these photos and thoughts is not to give myself an ego-boost. I don’t need that from you, as I’m learning to boost myself in a healthy way each day. I’m hoping to give YOU a shot of confidence, knowing that you are gorgeous and worthy, with or without a filter or photoshop. Don’t compare yourself to me, because you’re NOT me. Ya get what I’m saying?

You are uniquely and perfectly YOU. And that’s enough. Because you’re enough.

Stop all the comparison. Stop trying to make your body like someone else’s. Stop the “fitspiration” pages collecting photos of people with totally different genetic makeup than you. You won’t look like them, even following their workouts and diet plans!

Today, I challenge you to see through the judgment, through the comparison, and the unflattering angles. See that you ARE enough, you ARE beautiful, and you CAN be healthy and happy in your skin.

Be beautiful. Be you!

If you’d like some support along the way, making a shift to a happier and healthier internal and external YOU, please let me know. Powerful change can happen over the course of a few months with the right support and steps to make it happen. Be well, my beautiful friends!