Category: life reflections

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Heroes & Supporting Characters

My husband Kevin and I recently finished watching the series Game of Thrones (I know, I’m late to the party). It was a really slow burn for me at first, since I am very resistant to horror, gore, war, and general themes of evil in my entertainment choices. We started the show back in 2018, and got side tracked when we moved (and I needed an emotional breather from the oftentimes anxiety-producing episodes that left me reeling). 

After a few years of recovery (lol), I finally felt ready to embark on the GOT cinematic journey again in the last few months. We picked up with some revisiting of storylines and themes, and then flew through the final three seasons. 

I won’t say I loved it all. There were actually moments where I felt so utterly overwhelmed emotionally, with tears streaming down my face and gut clenching, that I literally had to leave the room. (Watching emotive theatrics with an Empath is a whole experience in itself.) I would end an evening feeling shaken, anxious, excited, and completely affixed all at once. If you’ve seen the series – you know what I mean. 

But at the end, which I was bracing for with lots of tittering and warnings that the ending shocked and horrified many, I felt… surprisingly at ease.

Suddenly, everything fell into place. The themes that had been background became foreground. Characters I couldn’t quite settle in my mind became key players in the arcs. It all made sense. I’ve been sitting with the series resolution and rehashing parts as they relate to me, and my human experiences in my own story.

There are a few players whose purpose doesn’t really stand out until the very last season. They flit in and out of episodes for brief interludes. And then you see it. You see that they were key in the stories of the heroes – the ones who “save the day” in some way through the narrative. But you didn’t give them much thought through the series. 

They’re hero-supporters. They are key. And it didn’t make sense and now it does.

I feel like in many ways, as people we try to avoid being “supporting characters” and instead be our own “heroes” in our stories. Remember the line from the cheesy romcom – The Holiday?

“Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you’re behaving like the best friend.”

The Holiday

I love the sentiment in this quote, but I think it’s easy to get caught up in our own egos about what it means to be the “Leading Lady” (or Hero). 

I’ve been thinking about this through the lens of my ego lately. The things that I saw myself doing when I was young. Achievement. Success. Changing The World. Making A Difference. Chasing My Dreams. Empowering Others. 

All the Big Things (capital B capital T). 

I thought that once I hit my stride in adulthood, you know – at like 25 years old – my story would fall into place, and suddenly make sense… I would understand my grand purpose and the hero-arc I’m meant to fulfill in the World… (or some maybe less grandiose, but still ego-centric lens).

And really – we all have this to some extent. We long to make waves. To create something amazing, to help the planet in some way, to cure cancer, to make a ton of money and leave a legacy for our children and grandchildren. But what I’m seeing more clearly lately is how not everyone is destined to be the “Leading Lady” or “Hero” in the whole series. Some of us are meant to be key supporting players in the richness and complexity of the story-arc of our brief blip on this floating rock. We are critical and meaningful in this way.

A way in which I’m seeing this play out in my own life and story-arc: singing. I always LOVED to sing. Even when I had no clue how to. I longed to be a back-up singer (ironically) to a famous star on stage. To be able to travel and sing and dance and have people cheering, but not have the stress of the limelight shone upon me in every angle. Eventually, from this childhood dream grew a love of classical singing, choral, and opera. I wanted to be THE BEST… I wanted to sing Opera. Or be in musicals. To travel and create and perform.

Instead, I did none of those things. I sang in college, and then started out of college as a baby-teacher trying to get a voice studio off the ground so I could keep music in my life. Thirteen years later, it’s more than just a little hustle for me – I keep as many students as I can in my roster, while still prioritizing my family boundaries, and I find healthy part-time employment and creative satisfaction in sharing my passion with youth. 

I’m not a “Leading Lady” star in music. I never will be. But I might be a supporting character in helping another person shine in the way she was destined. I may make a difference – even in the small sliver of time we work together through her school years. I might just plant a seed that helps another do something Great – even if it’s in the way my own teacher planted seeds for me to carry on her passion. 

A friend recently called me the “Queen of Balance”  when I was feeling low and playing the comparison-game of myself to others. 

It struck me that this truly is one of the truest depictions of my ‘superpower’ as a nearly-middle-aged adult. I have many roles, but principally I aim to find balance in the ways I earn a living, prioritize my family, grow emotionally and spiritually, and give of myself in supportive and meaningful ways. 

I may not be slaying dragons, killing Night Kings, saving the world, or singing with the Metropolitan Opera… but I am showing up each day to play my supporting part in your life – and my own – from a place of love, sincerity, and openhearted spirit. 

Love and peace to you all, my friends. 

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Making Space

In a society where fullness and success is equal to the amount of “stuff” you can pack into a day and a life, I’ve been doing some mindful thinking about “emptying” out some things to make some space.

Really, this practice started with the onset of quarantine this spring.

We were all jarred from our “normal” and left to question what are the activities we truly value, and who are the people we truly crave and need in our lives. We slowed down, simplified, spent more time at home, and opened up space in our lives — even if we didn’t really want to or choose to. 

This has looked different for everyone, and continued or ceased to varying degrees. But the reality is, everything changed in some way for all of us back in March. And we are left either nursing wounds and healing from traumas, and/or examining what this “new normal” looks like and trying to fill in gaps with what we know between what we don’t know. (Maybe we are left with all of the above.)

I had a beautiful conversation recently with my friend whom I admire deeply. Kendra has been through the ringer this year, with unparalleled struggles and challenges amidst what’s been an overall bitter and tense year for most of the world with uncertainties. She has been going through a journey with breast cancer during a world-pandemic, and experiencing transitions in her entrepreneurial businesses as well. Through it all, she is one of the most positive, inspiring individuals I am honored to know, and keeps reevaluating what new opportunities lie on the horizon.

We talked about clearing space, and leaving space, in a simple analogy about cleaning out the fridge. You know when life gets busy and you have barely been able to make food at home, or you let those leftovers sit in the fridge for well past their consumption point? Well, there comes a time when we have to open the door, acknowledge that we missed our opportunity to use the produce and eat the food, and toss it. It needs to be cleared out. It’s done, it’s no good, and it’s gone bad. Toss.

The impulse (for me, and many of us) in this situation is first: to blame ourselves and gripe about wasting food; and then to make a list of things I “need” and go to the grocery store to fill the shelves again with renewed intentions to Make All The Food and Do Better.

But what if we don’t immediately rush to fill the open shelves? What if we re-examine what we are left with, and decide to get creative? What if we remember that we actually have a whole pantry of food as well, and can find ways to hold off on the impulse to immediately refill the fridge?

It’s uncomfortable to be left with space. It forces us to look at what is left outside of the immediate and cursory view of our needs. We need to get creative with what we have, and see that life can and will go on, and our bellies and minds will not starve. 

Just in the last four weeks, after months of planning for my new school year with my voice studio, I had five students fall off from my roster last minute. Five spots. I had been planning on the return of several students from last year, and the starting of a few new ones I had been in communication with for a few months. And then bam. Nope. Not returning. 

It hit me hard. My first thought was frustration, followed by a deep seeded insecurity (what did I DO wrong? Why don’t they like me!?). Then came panic and worry about what that means for my planned income. And then the intense urge to immediately start marketing and seek out as many new students as possible to Fill Up Space in my allotted spots.

As I’ve sat with this new openness, I’m coming to see that it’s not the worst. We will be okay financially. The space is giving me a chance to have openness on weeknights where I would normally be crammed into mental focus from 3:45-8:00 pm. It’s lightened my load. And I can focus on filling space with the quality students that really truly want to learn and continue in this path of music with me. 

Another way I’ve been challenging myself to be ok with space is by deleting Facebook from my phone. I’ve found myself mindlessly scrolling for upwards of hours cumulatively on and off throughout most days, with nothing of substance to show for it. What could that space in my day allow for me to do instead? What do I gain from feeling frustrated and depressed by political posts and caustic comments on threads of divisive vitriol? Nothing. Clear it out. Be done with it. Toss it. It’s gone bad.

In the month of September, I’ve also made a challenge for myself to stop drinking alcohol. Like so many during this stressful year, I’ve settled into a habit of a few glasses of wine most nights of the week, and although I don’t think that’s the worst thing, I feel like I could do with a break from it mentally and physically. So I’ve shifted focus to other habits in the evening for unwinding. What does this space look like? It may look like ice cream sometimes, or a cup of hot tea. Maybe it’s an earlier bedtime, or sparkling water in a pretty glass. Although I really miss wine every night, I’m glad to be doing this experiment (with two planned breaks – a wedding, and a special date 9/26).  

As we lead into a new season, I challenge you to consider what making space can look like in your life. Maybe you work to create space where you’ve felt stifled and overwhelmed. Or maybe you simply re-evaluate what the space looks like that’s been left in the wake of this year of pandemic and stress. 

We can choose to do with the space whatever we want.

““You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…” 

– Dr. Seuss from “Oh the Places You’ll Go”
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Starting Over: Part 2

What is a fresh start without a fresh look?

Rebranded logo for She Lives Fit (c) 2020

When I started spitballing ideas for how I wanted to reshape and redirect my business offerings as a coach, I contemplated whether I wanted to stick with my brand – She Lives Fit – or abandon completely and rename as well as redesign the image. Back in 2011, I went through a series of possible business names, focused on fitness, wellness, health, alliteration plays with “Whit Wellness,” “Fit Whit” and many more… but I landed on “She Lives Fit” after realizing I wanted to focus on she – not me. Also, I loved the idea of “fit” as much more encompassing than exercise. “Fit” meant living in a way that “meets your purpose” – that “fits” for you. In my coaching, I have always focused on “fitting MORE” healthy, positive things into your life, to naturally make less space for the things that are less “fitful” for you. 

Of course, “living fit” can also mean living in a way that is physically active, mindful of your health, and prioritizing your wellness in a way that results in ultimate “fitness.” 

So back to relaunching: I decided I didn’t want to part with the name I’ve bonded with and held onto throughout the years. But I did want to refocus the tagline and direction.

She Lives Fit: Plant Powered Coaching.

Fitting healthy food and ethical choices into your family life.

Retired logo – SLF 2011

When my original logo was conceptualized, I did it myself with an outdated version of Creative Suite, back in 2011 in a time of different design aesthetics. I was young, fresh in the world of health coaching and wellness, and didn’t really have a full concept of what I would find as my niche. My logo was bright, youthful, bouncy, girly, and incorporated an element of a female form “leaping” into a new life. 

Rethinking my approach this time, and reflecting on how my own life has transitioned and evolved over the last decade, I wanted some help from an expert in the design field. So I contacted my brilliantly talented best friend and graphic designer, Katie Sterner, to help me out with the project.

We talked about my vision… incorporating plants, organic movement, growth, transition, maturity and sleek line elements into the concept. She helped flesh out the brand to several options (all beautifully done) and we settled on the one I’ve debuted today.

The emblem is meant to evoke a feeling of forward movement, direction, and organic leaf-like form, with a dawning/horizon abstract element in the circle rising above. The font is classic, clean, mature, and relatable as adults who appreciate form and structure. The tagline, “Plant Powered Coaching” is meant to encompass the direction I take in giving YOU the power to reclaim your health through plants. You get to decide what that looks like. It doesn’t need to be the same for everyone, and it doesn’t need to conform to a set definition of “vegan,” “vegetarian,” “whole-food-plant-based” or any set diet out there. 

Let’s determine how to fit plants into your life, in a way that is empowering, enriching, and sustainable. 

I hope you love the new look as much as I do! I wanted to share my journey of rebranding and relaunching with you all to give a better view of what I plan to do here, and how my business mantra and passion is evolving.

Are you curious about what I could offer for your life and goals? I hope you’ll reach out. I can chat quickly on the phone for 15 minutes, or we can set a coffee date and get into more detail. Either way, I’m here to listen. 

Let’s plant some seeds to move you into your right fit. 

In your best health,

Whit

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A Recipe for Health and Happiness

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a perfect “recipe” for your health and happiness?

Something like: 10,000 steps in the clean fresh air, 2 ½ cups of kale, 3 tsp of spirulina, 1 cup of brown rice, 1 apple, 8 oz. of celery juice, and 30 minutes of yoga per day. Consume daily, and add 1 supportive spouse, 2 respectful children, 1 well-cleaned home, 1-week tropical vacation, and a lifetime of empowering and lucrative work to round out the happiness factor. Voila! 

I jest of course, but wow, that would be nice.

It would be nice if there was a simple equation to ensure you could do and have all that you want in your health and happiness… that if you eat juuuuuust the right combination of things, and earn juuuust enough, and have juuuust enough skills in stress-management, you can somehow successfully manage your weight, internal health, physical fitness, financial security, relationships, and mental wellbeing all at once.

It’s a fools game, really. 

I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out that magical balance, both in my own life and for others whom I have coached. And the reality is that it shifts infinitely through life as you grow, as situations change, relationships fail and rebloom, and bodies age. There isn’t a perfect fit for everyone that will lend to that ever elusive “health and happiness” balance we all strive for.

So what on earth could I be offering, now that I’ve said no “one thing” can work to make it happen? 

What I can do is offer you a chance at a step in a direction that brings you joy. A lifestyle transition that resonates with the peace you long to feel, and the pleasure of foods your body craves. 

We are always in transition in this life. We are always in a process of “becoming”… evolving into a slightly different and more wisened version of ourselves. Through our experiences, our wins and failures, we are always tweaking that “recipe” for health and happiness – taking a little of this and that, and making it work for whatever we are going through. 

As it looks right now, in the COVID-19 pandemic, we are all experiencing an upheaval of our “recipes”. So for many, now may be the time to adapt to what a new normal may look like… and to begin including new healthy habits and foods to your recipe. 

Here is wishing you a most beautiful, healthful, and enriching new recipe. 

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Starting Over: Part 1

We all have to start over at some point in our lives.

Depending on how you’re feeling about it, the process can either be incredibly painful, or a fresh bright chance at a new beginning. For many of us, starting over can actually be a complicated mess of both these emotions, tangled up in this indecipherable web of conflicting feelings. 

I’ve had many years to process what happened to my dream, to my career vision with health coaching, and even to my marriage that waned and bent under the weight of failures and miscommunications. I started She Lives Fit as a bright and beaming 24 year old, ready to take on the world and make waves of positive change. Less than a year into my venture, I realized it was going to take a lot more financial security to make ends meet for my husband and I, and I gradually eased back into part time and eventually full time employment in other ventures. I was devastated, but still continued to accept a few clients on the side of my many hours of work and private teaching and volunteering.

In 2016, I birthed my son. Becoming a mother fundamentally shifted my entire life. (I feel like there should be a warning about the degree to which women feel altered hormonally and emotionally while breastfeeding, even when it’s not fully considered postpartum depression.) It was the closure of any “free time” I had to engage in entrepreneurial work while also working full-time and nursing my infant. I quietly let the door shutter on my dream, as my strained marriage and family responsibilities took its steady toll on any flicker of hope I had left.

I mourned the loss of this dream. Mourned it, cried over it, berated myself, gained some weight, struggled with certain healthy habits amidst roils of life change, and eventually just concluded I needed a new dream. Washed my hands. Moving forward. “You failed. Suck it up, buttercup.”

I experienced the end of my first marriage throughout this mourning process as well. Cue sweeping waves of emotional ruin, complete devastation… and somewhere buried under the ash: the smallest seed of hope for a new life and new dream ahead.

Starting over isn’t easy. Anyone who has been through a traumatic “end” of some kind knows that. And sometimes the way we start over is just by licking our wounds, tending to our emotional scars, and taking one baby-step at a time into a new existence.

Thankfully, the end of one chapter of my life began the start of a beautiful new vision and reality. I started my life over, grew into a more confident mother by single parenting, resolved to do better in my future relationships, and build myself into the self-made and confident woman I knew I could be and wanted to be back when I was 21 years old. I remarried – and have so much to be thankful for. My spouse is loving, encouraging, and supportive in all the right ways. From the beginning of our relationship, when I confessed my feelings of devastation and failure with my business, he said it wasn’t over. He said he could see it happening again – just with the right foundation in place. He believed in me long before I believed in myself, and for that I am so grateful.

When we got married, I quit my full-time employment in medical care, and moved into the position I hold currently with VitaLife: working in health and wellness coaching again, with the security of a business model that I knew would be successful, and support at home to make it happen. I also was able to focus on my private voice studio and expand the number of students I could teach. Everything was falling into place.

A few months ago, I was looking through bank statements and saw my recurring monthly web-hosting payment on my ledger, and got extremely agitated. 

“This is so dumb, Whitney. Why keep this stupid website you never even update or use, when you aren’t coaching on your own!? You keep paying year after year to keep this useless thing, just cancel it already.”

I slogged through the irritating process of resetting my usernames and passwords because I couldn’t remember any of it, and got logged in to my host site and hovered over “cancel”… I clicked it… and it said, “Are you sure you want to cancel and deactivate your domain?” 

And I hesitated. I wasn’t sure.

That tiny seed under the ash had been growing subconsciously, being watered and tended lovingly with the affirmations of my husband and the little pieces of fate falling into place over the last year with my jobs and life. I’ve been happier and more content than ever, which is the most fertile place for hope to germinate and thrive.

I didn’t want to give it up. I didn’t cancel, and I didn’t let go.

After a lot of discussion, excited brainstorming, and the right support, I decided it was time to refocus. Time to relaunch my dream, in a new direction and with my new life. I know so much more than I did nearly a decade ago when this all began. My life looks totally different, and so does our society and cultural norms. (And amidst the COVID nightmare we are all experiencing, I have had a lot more time at home to fill with work and projects.) The equation is completely different now….

It’s time to start over.

And I’m so glad that you’re here.

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SPARK in 2018: Simple Strategies for Success

Here we are again: days into the start of a New Year, the cushion of holiday indulgences straining our waistlines, reminders of the self-control we lacked for weeks (or possibly months). Leftover cookies litter the counters, and dusty hand weights sit neglected in our home gyms. We know we should put on sneakers and head outside for a run, but the call of the couch beckons, the incomplete to-do list nags our minds, and the thought of the cold air stinging our lungs keeps us stationary.

A new year always brings a renewed sense of hope, while the end of the last curdles with hindsight and perceived failures. I know personally I tend to set sights too high, and then feel tremendous frustration when the path takes unexpected turns that do not lead me to where I envisioned. It’s human nature to hunger for more than we can deliver, more than we have or can create.

So how do we reconcile this disappointment with the surge of a new beginning in 2018?

I have no fool-proof answers, or magic shortcuts to weight-loss or wellness. Ultimately, success lies in your dedication to make it happen. But I do have steps that can help us each get off on the right tract, and hopefully carry us through the challenges and setbacks that life will inevitably throw our way.

Here are a few simple strategies that will reap great rewards over the course of the next year.

S-P-A-R-K in 2018

Start Small
It is often the things that seem insignificant that become the greatest springboard for change over time. What is one small step and goal you can set that will give you momentum into a healthier lifestyle and happier you? Do you rely on a soda in the morning at your desk? Try gradually reducing that habit with substitutions and additions of healthier snacks and drinks. Can you spare 10 minutes on a break to do wall push-ups and body-weight squats? Even a simple habit like this can build into something greater over time.

Practice Consistency
When it comes to change and redirection, it is not what you do 10% of the time that matters, it’s what you do 90% of the time. Practice repetition of your small habit. When you catch yourself longing to ignore or brush it off, stop and remind yourself that this step will give you the foundation for the next step and the next. When you slip up and make a choice counter to your goals, return to your simple habit and value the practice of consistency most of the time. Practice may not make perfect. But practice makes consistency possible.

Advocate for yourself
You are a priority. Your needs and goals are a priority. When you start advocating for your own wellbeing and your goals, you make space for change to happen. If you are constantly putting yourself aside for others, and neglecting your needs, you wear yourself down and cannot offer your best to anyone or anything. This new year, start being your own advocate. What it is YOU need to feel better?

Rest and rejuvenate
Continual mental and physical energy forward requires recovery time. Even from small bouts of repeated self-control exercises, you need to award yourself the time and space to rest. Reconnecting with your spiritual health can be a profound way to rejuvenate in times of stress and intense attention.

Know your long term goal
How would your year shape up differently if you framed your choices around your long-term goal and dream for yourself? If you wake each day with your vision in mind, and your action steps in place to consciously create the reality you desire? Keeping your long term goal for yourself in the forefront of you daily decision making can radically redirect your life and your health. Who do you want to be in 2018, and how can you take small steps each day to make that person your reality?

As we head into a fresh new year filled with great potential and possibilities, I hope you can keep these simple strategies in mind to reignite your “SPARK” for your health and wellbeing.

Today, I challenge you to write a brief mantra and reminder for your first small step to begin. How will this year start off different than others? What will set your year up for accumulative success that does not stall at January’s end?

Let 2018 be the year for your wellbeing.

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Let It Go

 

I suppose I can admit that I must have been living under a rock for the past year or so, as I have yet to see the Disney movie Frozen. Yes, I know. Shocker. But I’m not so out of the loop that I am at least familiar with / have heard the popular song “Let It Go.” And yes, I love it too.

What does this song have to do with anything on this blog? Well, I think that the central chorus and title have particular importance in my life, and probably yours, right now. So I’d like to explore that idea.

As you have probably noticed in my blog writings to date, whatever I write about tends to deal with something I’m currently experiencing, have been pondering, or have dealt with personally in the past. I believe that unlike reading about studies, conflicting diet and nutrition information, or arguments for or against a specific way of eating, the most impact comes from relating to another person’s reflections and experiences. That is why I share them here today. 

Last week, while I was between running high-intensity bursts on the treadmill, I was huffing and puffing my way through an article in O Magazine. It was an outdated issue from before the New Year, but had a good feature on how to live 2014 to the fullest, and increase your happiness. Part of what struck me so in this article was the tip to practice letting go. The author wrote about the practice of mentally and physically letting go of negativity, behaviors, and lines of thinking that keep us paralyzed in self-doubt and loathing.

Huh. Panting and sweating away, I slowed down the pace on the treadmill. I was irritated that just one minute of running 8 mph was seemingly killing me. Wiping sweat from my brow, I decided to give this notion a little practice. Here I was in the middle of pushing my body in a workout, and my mind was obsessing over how inadequate I felt, worrying about how gross I was looking, and that my butt jiggles as I run.

 Breathing in, I thought to myself, Let it happen…and as I exhaled I thought, Let it go…

Again, let it happen… let it go.

Let it happen… let it go.

This small shift in my mental energy helped me push through the rest of my workout and focus on being glad for what I was capable of, rather than critiquing what I felt were my inadequacies.

Over the past week, I’ve been trying the implement this little practice. Breathing in, let it happen, as I catch myself in a negative, self-abusive thought, and breathing out, let it go, as I release the thought from my mind. Amazingly, it has helped me to not dwell over the little insecurities I still harbor with my body.

A couple instances in the past few months have me reeling in self-doubt and easily slipping into some derisive and abusive thoughts about my body. Last month, while shopping for my evening gown for the International Pageant in July, I was insulted by a rude sales clerk when he told me that I should “lose some weight in my hips and butt” to help my dress fit better. It has been hard for me to not obsess over this stupid and inconsiderate quip, even though I know better and see his words as a reflection of his own obtuseness and not my health or attractiveness.

With these words ringing in my mind, as a million other more important things demand my attention each day, I have felt trapped back in a pattern of belittling my body and not appreciating all it is capable of, merely from the verbal critique from one stranger. Stupid, right?

As I go forward, attempting to refocus and direct my energy on mental and physical health and happiness, I’m trying to let it go… I see how wasteful this mental energy is to harbor each day, and how counterproductive it is for me physically.

When I mentally abuse or mistreat my body, by way of thinking negative things or saying things about myself like, “My belly is so swollen” or “I wish I had bigger breasts” or “I hate my thighs,” I begin to manifest these statements as my reality, and turn back to my old vices. Like many of you, I have a history of emotionally eating, eating for escape, eating to feel happy, eating to feel nothing, eating as a substitute for dealing with whatever really needs my attention. Being emotional abusive to myself in any way lowers me to the level of one who is verbally rude or abusive to anyone else… because I do it to me. 

Looking in the mirror, I’m practicing positive affirmations, acknowledging that my body is a good body, that it is capable of doing so much and affords me a wonderful vessel in which to experience this amazing life. My body gets bloated sometimes, it feels sore oftentimes, it gets tired, it gains weight, it loses weight, it gives me unbelievable pleasure and sometimes inescapable pain. My body protects me from harm, cleanses me from toxins, and keeps me moving and speaking and thinking and breathing every single day.

My body is a good body. And so is yours – in every way.

So when I start feeling those icky, negative thoughts bubble up inside, I will breathe in, let it happen…and breathe out all that yucky stuff, let it go… 

Maybe after that I will burst into song, Frozen style. ;)

 

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Within or Without Motivation

 

Almost exactly four years ago, I was laid off from my job as a graphic designer, and fell into my lowest of lows of my young professional adulthood. I felt so little self-worth, and like all hope was lost… until something clicked inside me, and I just got annoyed enough with my pathetic attitude and choices that I decided to change. That little light bulb was the initial push I needed to really change my lifestyle and begin prioritizing my health. Somehow, things started to finally make sense – that I had control over my pant size and my attitude equally – that I could and would change if I wanted to.

That fresh beginning from a depressing end came from a deep internal motivation to do something better with my life. A deep, inner drive to be happier, live healthier, be more, act on my values and beliefs. It’s what got me started, and what keeps me going to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and not completely fall back into “pre-weight-loss” habits for good.

However… there are plenty of periods when that internal drive fails me. It’s just not enough! Yes, I want to “be healthy”… I want to be happy…. But in moments of weakness and frustration, “be healthy” just isn’t inspiring enough. “Be happy”…? Well, one dozen chocolate chip cookies can fill that need right now!

There are times when internal motivation is just too immeasurable. It’s not immediate, it doesn’t give me the here-and-now jolt that I need to stick to my resolutions.

 And you know what? That is totally okay.

Recognizing that internal motivation may not always be enough force to get you moving does not mean it doesn’t exist. I think to some degree, internal motivation is present in all of us. Who among us doesn’t long to be healthy and happy? I’d venture to guess everyone longs for those things – and those are internal desires.

 But internal motivation can be silent some days. Sometimes for long periods of time. And when we lack the strength to rise up from a deep will, it’s time to turn externally.

I think a part of me – and perhaps some of you – has thought that “external motivation” like rewards, or a specific date/event, or physical feat or accomplishment is somehow inferior to that pure internal driving will. But I’m here to say that depending on where you are in your journey and life, both internal and external drive are needed and equally valuable!

 After that initial spark in my journey to a healthier body and mind, the internal inspiration quickly waned. I found that working out was HARD… it wasn’t immediately rewarding, and I hurt and wanted to quit. Counting my calories… that sucked too! It took so much willpower and self-control, I wanted to give that up! So what kept me going through that?

 External rewards. Measurable progress. Specific dates, events, dresses, and physical challenges.

 I set up rewards for pounds lost, for weeks of consistent exercise, for meeting my calorie goals. I scheduled races to train for, bought a dress in a size too small and hung it on my door. I planned a vacation for 8 months down the line, and set my mind on wearing a two-piece swimsuit with confidence. I committed to these external forces to help push me through to my ultimate goal of getting healthy and being happier.

So often in our journeys we ebb and flow through motivation. I know that once I reached my initial goals, and passed those external motivations, I eased back into an internal source of motivation to keep going. I couldn’t stay focused on pounds or rewards, or I would have withered away, and depleted my bank account buying goodies for myself! It was a new identity as a healthy and fit person that kept me going forward with these new habits.

Yet here I am today, three and half years since meeting my first goals, and I’m back to external motivation. The past few months have been awfully crazy, and had me focusing in other areas of my life more than on my own physical and mental health. As life has it, this happens and is totally normal. What’s also normal, though not desirable, is gaining a few pounds every now and again.

Well, I gained a few pounds this winter. Approximately 6 pounds, to be honest. (It’s hibernation weight, right? Blasted cold outside, getting antsy inside.)

I recognize this reality as my needed kick-in-the-rear to get back into prioritizing my health. I’ve not been ridiculously off track, and I still eat a vegan diet (mostly whole foods, but some occasional convenience foods and too much sugar…). But that doesn’t mean I don’t have room for improvement.

It’s back to the wellness center for me. Back to early morning workouts, and juicing. I’ve been food journaling and keeping honest with myself about what I’m putting into my mouth. I have also set a few specific external rewards and motivations for the coming months.

My biggest external motivation is the Mrs. International Pageant, taking place at the end of July. Though the pageant does not include a swimsuit contest (thank goodness), it does have a fitness wear segment. The fitness attire is two-piece, with a sports bra top, and spandex shorts. This thought alone is terrifying enough to get me motivated to work out more consistently, and pause before shoveling in loads of cookies and chocolate. I also purchased my evening gown for the event, and admittedly – it’s a little snug in my hips. I would like to feel radiantly confident in how I look and feel on stage by then, so that thought (along with the sight of my beautiful gown hanging in my office) is keeping me excited about challenging myself again.

The internal motivation to live and stay healthy and happy is still present, though hasn’t been enough lately to keep me reassessing my behaviors. It’s time to turn outward – and keep moving forward.

Whether it is from within or from without, motivation is a beautiful tool to keep you pressing onward. I challenge you today to determine what is the best way to get you moving whatever direction you need, and to not discriminate if that motivation looks like a new pair of shoes in two months, or perhaps a beautiful dress. 

And as always – it comes down to choice. You direct your future success or failures by what you do today. If you’re lacking motivation of any kind, feel free to read this old blog of mine about just that.

Sometimes, it comes down to no motivation at all. Just a choice – right now.

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My Ugly Habit

I have an ugly habit. Well, admittedly I have many ugly habits, but one particular I’d like to examine today. I have a horrible habit of comparison, followed by the noxious feeling of envy and jealousy.

Yuck. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

It’s rather shameful to admit this tendency of mine, as I have a lot to be grateful for, and am by almost any standards incredibly lucky and blessed. I have no reason to want for anything more in my life, talents, or possessions.

Though I’m very aware of the blessings and undeserved privileges in my life, I still haven’t ever been able to shake the feeling of coveting others’ (fill in the blank) gifts/bodies/talents/possessions/opportunities/lives. This feeling rears its ugly presence in my mind and ego whenever I begin to doubt myself, or feel that I’m not “measuring up” to some standard I’ve set for myself or perceived another to set for me. I have written a lot about my struggles with perfectionism in my life, and the quintessential “all or nothing” dreaded mindset that has kept me (and currently keeps many of you, as well as my clients) stuck in the muck and mire of not doing anything. I am very self-aware of my own weaknesses in this area, and it still takes a concerted effort to not dwell in perceived failures, or manifest challenges as failures, because intellectually I know they are not.

But that doesn’t always shake the feeling. And in the past few months, I’ve been noticing and expressing my feelings about a lot in my life, as I’ve dealt with personal struggles not fit to share in a public forum. Safe to say, life has been a bit rocky in certain areas. 

Have you ever heard the saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy”? My best friend shared that simply stated truth with me a few months ago, and it’s hung around in my mind like a persistent tune each time I catch myself coveting.

How often do we examine another person’s life from the outside and long for whatever they have or exhibit? I can’t count how often I do this, but I can estimate it’s somewhere between too much and embarrassingly often.

So, as an exercise of honestly expressing my feelings and purging myself of these comparisons (because when I long for each one, I pin it next to my current situation side-by-side and critique my own lack), I share with you my recent list of jealousies and covets:

  • For more financial freedom; ability to provide for all the possession wants I have in redecorating my home, taking time off work, traveling, treating myself to unneeded luxuries
  • To have an amazingly fit body, toned abs, larger breasts (all without the work I know it entails)
  • Longing for full bodied, thick, wavy hair that I can wear long (trivial and silly, right?)
  • Feeling of freedom that being single and full of unexplored terrain ahead brings
  • Thick eyelashes, or to afford false eyelash extensions
  • A thriving successful career, constantly moving forward
  • More time to focus on wants and self-care
  • Fewer responsibilities, more fun
  • Perfect clear skin

At the present moment, these are the vain and ridiculous jealousies and longings I’ve felt recently. I look at this list and see it all as so self-absorbed… looking a certain way? Having more money? More time? All these things are so unnecessary and certainly don’t help lift me up, or help me to appreciate the greatness that exists in my life now. 

So, as a counter list to reset my mind and attitude, here is a list of all that I am grateful for and recognize as wonderful, this very day, on the flip side of each of these longings:

  • I am financially comfortable, and understand the value of my earnings. We have enough to provide for needs, and many wants.
  • I have a healthy, reasonably fit body. I’ve been dwelling in a few pounds of extra softness lately as I focus in other areas of my life, but the reality is that I am still very healthy and my clothes still fit.
  • I have nice short hair. Many people wish they could wear a cute pixie cut, and I’m happy to do so confidently, even though I can’t do the long hair styles so well.
  • I have a loving, supportive partner in life who is always there for me. We have a lot of ways to grow, both together and individually, and still much unexplored terrain.
  • I can wear false eyelashes, and have finally figured out how to apply them! Also, this just doesn’t matter. (LOL)
  • I’m pursuing a career I love in small steps, and have come a long way since deciding to change. It’s a slow process, but I will get there someday.
  • I have more time than most to focus on me, and am grateful to not have children at this point in my life. I am trying to find ways to refocus in healthy habits for my own body and mind.
  • My responsibilities are ones I’ve chosen and added to my life, to keep it full and busy. I can choose to let go of certain things, but choose not to. I can have more fun when I reset my attitude.
  • My skin is young, I wash it and enjoy taking care of it. No one has perfect skin.

Amazing how this act of simply writing out these silly comparisons and countering them with a gracious heart and perspective can and has truly reset my mind, if even just for the time being. 

I believe that we have the power to make our lives what we want. That our choices and outlook will shape the opportunities afforded each of us. I believe in the powerful “secret” that positive thoughts reap positive actions. And I am trying my hardest each day to remind myself of this very belief as I inevitably fall into my negative human tendencies of comparison.

I refuse to let comparison steal my joy. I challenge you to do the same.

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First Video Blog (Vlog) – Health Coaching Principles

 

Greetings, friends!

Today, I got a wild hair and decided to try something new (well, newish for me): a video blog! I used to post an occasional vlog on SparkPeople when I was blogging regularly there, and would now like to get back in a routine of doing vlogs and blogs here on my own website. Sometimes it’s just better to hear things face-to-face, ya know?

My hope with these vlogs is to help generate conversation, and give you an opportunity to ask questions and possibly get them answered by me! I work on lots of different concepts with my clients, and would love to give you a little glimpse of what it would be like to work with me as a client.

In today’s vlog, I talk about my guiding principles in health coaching — the basic philosophies I have while working with clients toward healthy lifestyle changes. I hope you find it interesting, and that it gives you a better insight into what health coaching entails.

I would love to hear your thoughts, feedback, and questions in my comments below! Do you agree with my principles? 

What would you like me to talk about next week? Any burning questions you’d like me to share my thoughts on? Ask away, and I’ll choose one to answer in my next vlog!